5.31.2005
i had something all profound and mind-blowing to post here, something that would have taken your frail and fragile human egos and torn then asunder, devastating you emotionally and resulting in an utter lack of hope and the rise of despair the likes of which would… would… well, it’d be badness, all around… yeah, it would have been great… but i forgot to write it down on the car ride home today, plus those dang neighbors… ghosts… ghost neighbors, were having some kind of party involving these wheeled boards, and their pathetic little sold phones… bah… meanwhile, all my attempts to rid my current base of these paranormal scoff-laws and scally-wags has met with failure, not because of any traits i’m lacking, mind you, i mostly blame it on your human laws of nature and physics, which keep getting in the way of my progress!!!! bah!! curse you rydberg constant!!!!! curse you!!!!!! so now i have to bring in outside help. help who will come in when theres something strange, in the neighborhood. who am i going to call? i dunno… ghost space buster and his monkey tweep? that’s a guy, right?
5.24.2005
and so i be listening to jazz, all the time now. get it? i transmitted the code there, and i knew that only the one to which it was intended to receive… it… would get it. eh? eh? eh? bah… your time is meaningless to me, and also, i’ve been asleep for like… awhile now… also because of the ghosts. they keep me asleep at night, or was that the somnia… outsomnia… what’s the one that makes you sleep, like, too much? well, whatever, i’m going to go wipe the ghosts out. i think that by unleashing a wave of destruction the likes of which has never been unleashed upon this planet, i can kill the dead… wait… i think i’ve hit on something there… maybe, instead of killing the dead, and in the process destroying yet another chunk of earth, as well as another perfectly constructed base, maybe i could bargain with the ghosts, negotiate and make peace with them. or not. the point is, this dog, which they said couldn’t direct, will take these negotiations, which they said couldn’t be made, and ummm… make them… oh yeah, i have a dog… i forgot about that. i wonder how long he’s had control of the upper floors? probably should go check those out…
5.16.2005
alright, well… i still have to decide which. bah… the supernatural entities which inhabit my current base in the midst of the cornfield are getting rather annoying, and i mean annoying with a capital a… but i’m not allowed to use capitals, and so i mean annoying with a small a that stands in for a capital a… but none the less!!! now, i caught the evil energy forces swirling around my china hutch, destroying both my incrediably powerful alien technology, and my precious moments figurines, those which had survived the first such incident long ago… gone now… gone forever… which is what i intend to do with these ghosts!!!! i have devised a powerful proton mass beam generator which will create a stream of highly charged energy that will enable me to ensare these ghosts, thereby allowing me to guide them into some sort of trap and containment facility. of course, the much more budget friendly option two is to just use the vacuum cleaner… i think it would work… it had better work…
5.13.2005
(…okay okay okay, this is chris once again, the voice of reason in invader invidlord’s head… kinda… in any case, today he had some kind of rant about batteries, and he talks about wire hangers for like 5 paragraphs, and then briefly remembers to mention that the house is still haunted by the swirling vortex of ectoplasm in the linen closet, but that’s besides the point. i have just witnessed something horrific that needs to be analyzed. a simple television commercial. for kool-aid. in it, the being known only as the kool-aid man is skateboarding, but he has an accident and falls, resulting in the most horrifying sight i have ever witnessed… a dead kool-aid man. dead!! all liquid spills from the kool-aid man’s pitcher head. he is lying on the ground lifeless. and dead. then, children mix new kool-aid within his cavernous glass shell and revive him as a terrible sugar-free zombie kool-aid man. i’m not sure if this counts as the most brilliant commercial ever, or the most scarring, all i know is that kool-aid man is now dead to me… also, i know that sugar-free products are an essential ingrediant in developing zombies, and as such, are evil… -chris)
5.9.2005
now then, my first question is this… batman brand adhesive medical strips? first of all, the biological structure of this half-human / half-bat hybrid continues to elude me… second, looking upon the level of combat this creature encounters while using its supersonic echolocation powers to detect crime before it happens, only to swoop down from the sky and defeat its criminals, leaving them for the police in a web-like prison, i somehow doubt a simple adhesive medical strip would likely solve any physical injuries the batman is likely to sustain from such adventures. even so, assuming the batman has an incrediably advanced recovery system and such medical strips do aid its healing process, i hardly see why the same products should be marketed to humans, who in all likely-hood will be biologically incompatible with this batmans structure, and thus would receive no benefits from a product developed for just such a creature. oh yeah, also, the new ominous base and corn and all that… apparently its haunted… oh yeah, ghosts… whatever… i’m working on a way to, in layman’s terms, ‘bust’ these apparitions… in much the same way their frantic wailing and carrying on ‘busted’ my arm… and the accursed batman medical strip does nothing!!!! curse you batman!!!! curse you!!!!!!
5.4.2005
sithspit!!.. err… i mean, gah!!! having reduced the surrounding woodlands, and the surrounding woodland creatures, to a large crater, i have decided to move my base of operations… again. but, on the positive side, i found the perfect new location for my base! the hive is now burrowed beneath a large, ominous three-story mansion, surrounded by an ominous, silent and unfarmed corn crop. hmmm… ominous… i figure that with surroundings this ominous, i won’t have to deal with any of those annoying unicef brats, or there little frisbee’s either… accursed neighborhood children!! now my unholy experiments into the depths of the human genetic structure and other horrible mutations can go ahead without interruption, and without any more distractions… ever. nope, no distractions at all. none. not at all… hmmm… alright, now that i think about it, i guess it is a bit distracting that pieces of lab equipment continue to levitate off the table, fly five feet through the air, then plummet to the ground, whereupon the contents of these devices procede to mix and create vile, horrible spiritual disturbances resulting in a rift betixt this dimension and another, horrible dimension beyond the natural plane of existence… hmmmm… i wonder if i should have that checked?